heartbroken and attractive

album cover art for “bubble & scrape”

via heartbroken and attractive — miss lisa g. french

who cares about valentine’s day? i certainly don’t, and i haven’t for pretty much most of my adult life. but you know what i DO care about? music and love songs and heartbreak and the crazy, weird shit that happens with all of that glorious mess. i see y’alls cute posts about valentine’s day on the social media and you know what? i am a lover not a hater and it’s cool. it’s also totally cool if you hate it! i think pre-packaged love is pretty lame but hey, we’re all flawed human beings who have no idea how to truly express ourselves most of the time. candy hearts are a good ice breaker, right?

you know what i think about every valentine’s day? it’s not chocolate or flowers or fuzzy pink handcuffs on sale at the 7-eleven. nor do i think about the shifts i worked at mediocre restaurants years ago, seeing couples fumble through uncomfortable dinners while blaming their misery on the people serving them food. every year, i think about seeing sebadoh on valentine’s day, 1995. in the 90s, sebadoh was my go-to for those rip-your-heart-out killer love songs. and “soul and fire” is by far one the best ever.

as the opening track on the album “bubble & scrape”, it’s perfection. even as i write this, i am listening to the album, after singing along with that opener thrice this morning. i’ll likely do it again before i finish writing!

i got turned on to the band by friends who played their albums while we smoked cigarettes and drew on walls and awkwardly flirted while talking about our dreams and crushes. the whole album is the pinnacle of that uncomfortable comfort in mutual like in my mind. i remember as if it was yesterday the time this cute boy put his headphones over my ears as he put on “think (let tomorrow bee)” and i felt a thousand different things rushing through my body. we didn’t even kiss that day. not yet, anyway.

so yeah, valentine’s day 1995. dallas, texas. the bakesale tour. i was nineteen, almost twenty years old and i was ready to sing my heart out along with lou barlow. i spent so many hours figuring out how to play their songs by ear that i was so excited to see their techniques in person. lou was wearing this awesome white tee shirt that said “HARDCORE” across the front. at one point during the show, he had a heart-shaped box of chocolates that he chucked into the crowd. i screamed with delight because i was nineteen and so confused about love and i got to sing my guts out to “not too amused.” it was one of my favorite music memories ever. i also vividly remember a guy in the crowd with just as much gusto who yelled “skull!” between every song until they indeed, played “skull” and we were so happy. we danced and sang every word and jumped up and down.

who needs valentine’s day when there’s sebadoh? i put together all the songs i have mentioned plus a few other favorites from the 90s for your pleasure. ❤






music memories: a mixtape from 1997

for most of 2016 thus far, i have been completely soaked in memories from the 1990s. it’s a theme that i did not select, it came about on its own. why fight it? i allow the waves of memory to wash over me without being sucked into the ocean. it’s oddly therapeutic.

a few days ago, i got a text from my dear friend Judith with the following photos:

it was thrilling to see my own handwriting from so long ago! it had to have been 1997 when i made this tape, back when i first met her. we were both artists trying to figure out how to make that a career. we met at a mutual friend’s party in dallas and became friends almost immediately.

she mentioned that a card i sent to her arrived the same day she found this mixtape in her mom’s garage. it had been in a box since 2011. we even talked about this tape when i was in texas in january this year, so i was so tickled to see photos of it. it was strange to see nuances of who i was almost twenty years ago. some things truly never change.


these are still, to this day, some of my favorite songs in the whole wide world. as i looked at the track list, it became clear at what point in my life i made this mixtape. this was when i began to feel a major heartbreak coming on. i was in love with someone that didn’t feel the same anymore. you can almost hear the longing as the tracks play.

below, you will find the digital version of this fine mixtape with all the tracks in the same order as the original. i like to think that 1997 has come back around to remind me of who i am and what i always dreamed of; being an artist, seeing the world, meeting people who bring unconditional love and joy into my life. i have all of these things now. today, i am the happiest i have ever been; it has nothing to do with a job, a lover, or possessions. it came when i let go of who i thought i was supposed to be and embraced who i truly am.

i hope you enjoy this trip back in time with me. now, i must get ready for a road trip to the desert to create more music memories to share with you. ❤